Leeds, are you ready? (at Leeds city centre)
Today I cracked.
I couldn’t move a bowl of porridge from the kitchen counter to the dining table because I couldn’t take my hands off my crutches and it just set me off. I sobbed, like the girl that I am.
It’s very hard adjusting.
The constant discomfort and pain is very tiring and it’s wearing me down. I did make progress today and take a walk outside my house today. Only to the main road and back but it steeled my determination and put things into perspective.
This isn’t some cold that will just go away overnight. This is going to continue for at least another few weeks minimum. I’m not going to be capable of doing what I was doing before for quite a few weeks, perhaps even months. I need to stop pining for everything I was doing before and focus my thoughts on rehabilitating myself. I need to learn to walk again.
When you think about it, it’s not even been a week since I broke my leg and already I’m walking. True, it was aided but majority of my weight was on my leg with only minimal assistance from my crutches. And that’s day 5 after surgery. Give it another week, I might even be able to walk unassisted, albeit slowly. I just need to keep setting myself aims and hitting them.
I can’t stress how thankful I am that I was in the best physical condition I’ve ever been when it happened. It means that a lot of boxes are ticked already and makes things like mental discipline easy to me.
These will be a slow few months, but I can do it.
This is my personal hell.
Being unable to do anything for myself. Having it be such an effort to even go to the bathroom. The pain from the swelling in my leg and ankle…
Going from being busy 24/7 to this is hard - I’m having a rather hard time adjusting. I get jealous of people even just saying they’re going to walk to wherever they’re going.
My irrational fear of morphing into a fat slug from just eating and lying down and not being active is a niggling constant. Although I know I should eat more to help my body repair. I just want to be active!
Before this happened, a typical week (if there were such a thing) looked something like this:
Monday: Work, swing dancing in the evening, get home about 11pm
Tuesday: Work, bouldering in the evening after dinner
Wednesday: Work, meet a friend in the evening
Thursday: Climbing before work, work, have a quiet evening by myself.
Friday: Climbing before work, work, meet a friend after
Saturday: Varies week to week. There might be climbing involved.
Sunday: Food shopping, definitely climbing involved.
And so far, my week has been like this:
Monday: Work, climbing, break leg, go to a&e, get admitted to orthopaedics
Tuesday: Surgery, recovery, visits, sleep.
Wednesday: Recovery, brother comes down, sit around, finally get discharged.
Thursday: Lie at home like an invalid, visits, sleep a lot.
Friday: Go to get dressing changed at GP, lie around some more, break down due to frustration.
Words cannot express how I’m dying to be outside or even just be able to put my foot down without fear of pain or injuring myself more.
I may attempt to go to the park tomorrow.
So I’ve managed to break my leg whilst bouldering. I slipped off the last hold in the route and lost control of my fall. Ended up landing on both my legs and getting a loud crunch from my left leg as a result. I heard the crunch, felt my bone sticking at an odd angle and knew I’d broken it before the pain started.
That was excruciating.
It doesn’t matter how much you scream, it’s not enough to cover the pain.
Luckily the staff were there on hand and looked after me, for which I’m grateful. Also, I’m grateful my adrenaline kicked in pretty quickly so after twenty minutes after impact, the pain was manageable enough to have a intelligible conversation with the member of staff looking after me. It was to the point that we had two guy separately ask us if we could move slightly to the side so they could try the wall we sitting/ lying in front of.
That was rather amusing.
The ambulance didn’t arrive for an hour and fifty minutes. There’s not really much you can do for a break I guess. At least I got to have a nice chat with the cute guy who worked there.
It seemed positive as the pain was bad but bearable without morphine (so I refused it) as they moved me onto the stretcher and into ambulance.
I could feel my leg pop and move in ways it shouldn’t which was rather sickening.
I got transferred into St Thomas’ hospital where the A&E staff were absolutely lovely and professional. By this point it was close to midnight but they were still going strong.
I had x rays and got told I’d incurred a displaced spiral fracture of both my tibia and fibula - I clearly did a proper job. The orthopaedic consultant recommended an internal fixation to help the tibia and allow me to put some weight in it right away.
I was then given morphine and had my leg put in a plaster.
The combination of morphine and 50% oxygen didn’t cover all the pain, but definitely gave me an experience like you see in movies where the lead character is tripping.
There was a rough Scottish man also in the ward who, for the four and a half hours I was there, continuously shouted in his strong Scottish accent one of the following:
‘Turn the fucking lights down’
‘Turn that fucking noise down’
‘Someone fucking get me out of here’
‘Release me you cunts’
Which, when added with morphine, oxygen and glaring hospital lights, made for a very strange trip.
Finally by 3am I was admitted to a ward and somehow lucked out and got my own room with ensuite. I’m very grateful because it makes going to the bathroom less of a trial.
The view is incredible, if this building was a hotel, it would make so much money just for their location.
I was so scared throughout the process - I’m not a big fan of having needles stuck in me or the idea of going under. Thank God I had my friend Nick there with me, I’m not sure what else I would’ve done or if I’d cope half as well without him.
Everyone has been incredibly professional though and it’s been as pleasant as it could be.
The anaesthesiast was very straight with her opinion and suggested a spinal tap to apply a regional anaesthetic to numb my bottom half combined with a sedative so I wouldn’t need general anaesthetic or help with breathing. It was a great suggestion as I was unconscious for the procedure but had no tube down my throat. The block also helped with the rest of the day and I could even start putting weight on my leg by the night.
With the beautiful views of Westminster and high spirits from having my friends visit I actually felt that this might be all alright.
This morning however has been a different story. No one can quite prepare you for the aching pain and the stiffness that goes with it. Even in paracetamol and codeine it feels like this although slightly less so when I don’t move. The incision below my knee feels like it’s on fire. Probably not the best progress…
Hopefully I can get discharged today. I’ve had enough of being jabbed by needles.
Sorry for the spam, but can you blame me? #London #stThomas #9thfloor #bigben #sunset #amazing (at Guy’s and St Thomas’ NHS Foundation Trust)
Almost worth a broken leg for #stThomas #9thfloor #London #sunset #amazing (at Guy’s and St Thomas’ NHS Foundation Trust)
I may a broken leg and surgery looming but at least I have my own room with a kick ass view. #spiralfracture #stThomas #sillyleg (at Guy’s and St Thomas’ NHS Foundation Trust)